Good evening JKLand and welcome to a long awaited edition of the JKLand News Hour....I’m Fanny Disturbershyt...
It would appear that not only is Mr. Jordan knight a washed up guinea pig, but he is also a liar. He has stated on numerous occasions that he would never do reality television because he is, and I quote, “Not a wash-out.” A humorous statement indeed, but what we must now ask ourselves is this? What has changed the mind of our favorite wash-out?
I have asked several of his fans this same question and their responses were not surprising...most believe that Mr. Knight was abducted by aliens and they forgot to remove the probe from his ass before returning him to earth. This is the most likely explanation to the recent shocks that have occurred on his once popular website, www.cleanmypipes.com OOPS! I mean www.jordanknight.com.
In an attempt to remove the wall built up between fan and aging pop star, the head fuck-wits...I mean honchos...thought it was a productive idea to remove all moderation form the site...this was of course, a decision made in the aftermath of what appears to be the epitome of stupid mistakes...take the moderator status away from long-standing semi-trusted mods and hand it over to the fans that would pay $70 a year to hoo and haw over a balding, middle-aged teen pop phenomena that has been making and breaking promises for the last two years...apparently there is nothing sacred left in JKLand...it means nothing to Jordan Knight that fans have ALREADY paid for a VIP membership that would supposedly last forever...only to have it ripped from their hands and forced to decide between spending $70 per year or walking away and never looking back...
I for one am appalled at the blatant disregard for the respect of the fans...legal questions have been asked as well as ethics questioned on the part of everyone involved in the surely to fail, doomed website...what more can the fans do to please Mr. Knight? Not everyone is willing to jump in the back seat of his jeep to polish his knob...perhaps that will be the requirement of the next level of membership. We have seen the rise and fall of the free fan membership...this was replaced with the purchase of a CD shaped coaster in order to gain VIP status...we have now been introduced to the VIP Gold memberships that cost you more than a Costco Membership...what will be next? VIP GIMME YOUR WALLET AND NOBODY WILL GET HURT!? VIP WHORES? VIP NUTFUCKS? VIP UP YOUR ASS? VIP SUCK THIS BITCH? It is anyone’s guess what will come next...
BREAKING NEWS! The results of a recent online fan poll have just been handed to me...
8% of Jordan Knight fans would rather see Jordan try out for “American Idol” so Simon can tell him he’s too fat to be a pop star.
14% would rather see Jordan take a bite out of a poisonous snake on the next “Survivor”only to realize that the snake in question was his own penis.
22% would like to see Jordan get locked in a room full of stans on “Fear Factor” just to hear his girlie scream.
And a whopping 56% say, “Yeah! We want Jordan to be on “The Surreal Life” so we can witness him passing gas, flirting with house mates and getting shot down on national television, crying when he realizes someone has eaten his leftover porkchops, and whack off when nobody’s home because he forgot there was a camera crew there.
Well there you have it folks...what more can I say? And since Jordan always gives his fans exactly what they want, you can be sure that this season of “The Surreal Life” will be a memorable one...
That’s all the time we have for tonight...for the JKLand News Hour...I’m Fanny Disturbershyt...thanks for watching
It would appear that not only is Mr. Jordan knight a washed up guinea pig, but he is also a liar. He has stated on numerous occasions that he would never do reality television because he is, and I quote, “Not a wash-out.” A humorous statement indeed, but what we must now ask ourselves is this? What has changed the mind of our favorite wash-out?
I have asked several of his fans this same question and their responses were not surprising...most believe that Mr. Knight was abducted by aliens and they forgot to remove the probe from his ass before returning him to earth. This is the most likely explanation to the recent shocks that have occurred on his once popular website, www.cleanmypipes.com OOPS! I mean www.jordanknight.com.
In an attempt to remove the wall built up between fan and aging pop star, the head fuck-wits...I mean honchos...thought it was a productive idea to remove all moderation form the site...this was of course, a decision made in the aftermath of what appears to be the epitome of stupid mistakes...take the moderator status away from long-standing semi-trusted mods and hand it over to the fans that would pay $70 a year to hoo and haw over a balding, middle-aged teen pop phenomena that has been making and breaking promises for the last two years...apparently there is nothing sacred left in JKLand...it means nothing to Jordan Knight that fans have ALREADY paid for a VIP membership that would supposedly last forever...only to have it ripped from their hands and forced to decide between spending $70 per year or walking away and never looking back...
I for one am appalled at the blatant disregard for the respect of the fans...legal questions have been asked as well as ethics questioned on the part of everyone involved in the surely to fail, doomed website...what more can the fans do to please Mr. Knight? Not everyone is willing to jump in the back seat of his jeep to polish his knob...perhaps that will be the requirement of the next level of membership. We have seen the rise and fall of the free fan membership...this was replaced with the purchase of a CD shaped coaster in order to gain VIP status...we have now been introduced to the VIP Gold memberships that cost you more than a Costco Membership...what will be next? VIP GIMME YOUR WALLET AND NOBODY WILL GET HURT!? VIP WHORES? VIP NUTFUCKS? VIP UP YOUR ASS? VIP SUCK THIS BITCH? It is anyone’s guess what will come next...
BREAKING NEWS! The results of a recent online fan poll have just been handed to me...
8% of Jordan Knight fans would rather see Jordan try out for “American Idol” so Simon can tell him he’s too fat to be a pop star.
14% would rather see Jordan take a bite out of a poisonous snake on the next “Survivor”only to realize that the snake in question was his own penis.
22% would like to see Jordan get locked in a room full of stans on “Fear Factor” just to hear his girlie scream.
And a whopping 56% say, “Yeah! We want Jordan to be on “The Surreal Life” so we can witness him passing gas, flirting with house mates and getting shot down on national television, crying when he realizes someone has eaten his leftover porkchops, and whack off when nobody’s home because he forgot there was a camera crew there.
Well there you have it folks...what more can I say? And since Jordan always gives his fans exactly what they want, you can be sure that this season of “The Surreal Life” will be a memorable one...
That’s all the time we have for tonight...for the JKLand News Hour...I’m Fanny Disturbershyt...thanks for watching
