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JKLand Global News

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March 11, 2004

Good evening ladies and gents and welcome to a long awaited edition of the JKLand Global News...I'm Fanny Disturbershyt...

Tonight we will check in with a few fans who have been absent lately...it has been rumored that these fans have found someplace more fun than jk.com...we didn't think that place existed but it provides hard proof that life does in fact exist outside the site of the old kid...

But first I bring you our top story of the night...just a few hours ago (while Spain was still realing from a terrorist attack) the fans on jordanknight.com began a new war. This time however it was unclear as to what side most fans were on....the thin line between Implifier and Stan was snapped in half this afternon as people dared to have opinions about the not so much anymore famous former superstar...

We at the JKLand Global News were neither stunned or thrilled about the vicious attacks that lasted just over three hours. We were informed just fifteen minutes ago that the God himself...Jordan Knight...was in fact online at the time to witness the feud...

"I didn't know what was wrong with him," said a close friend of Mr. Knight, "he was sitting in front of his computer bawling like a baby...mouth wide open...drool pooling in his lap...it took me two hours before I could understand what he was blubbering about."

We contacted Mr. Knight and he agreed to a phone interview. Mr Knight can you hear me?

Uh huh......*sniffle* uhhh blubba blubba AHHHH (high pitched girlie sound)

Mr. Knight--I understand you watched the feud unfold...can you tell us what you were feeling at the time?

*sniffle slirp* I....I don't.....huh huh huh...aaaaaaaaalllllllagrrrrrrrrr....ahhhhhhh (soft girlie moans)

I see...ahem...are you OK Mr. Knight?

noooooo...not...huh huh huh....re...huh huh...eally.......

Are you upset because of this recent feud between your adoring fans?

*sniffle* well...I...I jus wanted them to all looooove me........huh huh huh...they think I'm FAT! blub blub huh huh huh....AHHHHHH (high pitched girlie sound) I don wanna talk anymore...huh huh huh...*click*

OK well we have lost Mr Knight...

Recent reports hint at a newfound unity between Stans and Implifiers...no wait...that would never happen...a new unity between Jordan and a bottle of valium...that's what it says...I think I need glasses...

Our "Inside Track" reporter Likita Betterwet interviewed several fans and Stans alike...let's see what she has to say...over to you Likita....




Hola Fanny!

Hi Likita...what is the atmosphere like where you are right now...

Been raining since shit hit fan...bout 10 this morning...raining hard now but I like it better wet...feels good no?

I wouldn't know Likita...I've been in the studio all afternoon....I don't really care about the weather...what are the general thoughts and feelings going through the heads of the fans this evening?

I hear some fans say Jordan should start porn career...then some fans throw up...then they threw up again...

Wow...interesting...do they know what started the feud?

Not really sure...but most blaming JdotRO...heard someone call her shit disturber fan...so I killed them...that bad Fanny?

No of course not Likita...JdotRO is allowed to say anything she wants...because she never disrespects anyone...

Oh...I do no know about that one Fanny...she swear a lot today...call people names...shit disturbing all over place today...

Well I find that hard to believe...but I suppose everone has their limits...even an angel like Jdot...tell me though...what did she say to create such turmoil amongst sisters?

She say something about concern for Jordan's crack...

I'm sorry? His what?

His crack problem...and his hoarse deep throat....not sure...some fans not speak berry good enrish...

Out of curiosity Likita...what nationality are you?

I am proud American! Yeah!

Of course how silly of me...well thank you Likita...let us know if you dig up anything else?

Jes of course Fanny...bye bye!

And that was Likita Betterwet with the "Inside Track"

In a related story...it took three hours for a moderator to delete the post that started all of the drama...it's too bad someone didn't hink to save the post before deletion ;)

And that's all the time we have tonight JKLand...tune in next time as we investigate the secret meeting place of the MIA fans...

For the JKLand Global News...I'm Fanny Disturbershyt and I'ma go get me some lubbin!

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