JKLand Mafia Report


Original air date April 30/03



Welcome to the JKLand News Hour. I’m Fanny Disturbershyt.

Tonight we delve into the mysterious goings on of the JKLand Mafia where two mob groups have been waging war on each other for months. The strongest of the two is of course the mob known as “The Implifiers”. These genius fans have been running the show since the beginning of the site but have in the past months been repeatedly badgered by a mob gang that had once been content with their miniscule existence.

The mob goes by the name of “Freak Nation”…they are a band of twits lead by a stan-doffish fan by the name of Sistah Joy. Their only intent is to destroy the Implifiers.

Yesterday the two mobs battled once more on the issue of the now infamous man-titty scandal. It was a brutal attack as another local mob stuck it’s nose in where it didn’t belong. This mob goes by the name of the Moderators…these apparent “neutral” members have lost sight of right and wrong…the Implifiers have repeatedly pondered ways of eliminating this system of law in JKLand. Unfortunately there seems to be no way of doing this unless the JKLand King Pin himself comes out of hiding to stop the endless saga for good.

But can we trust that the King Pin’s adviser will let the turmoil stop for the residents of JKLand? We recently interviewed several mob members…the following is a transcript taken from a phone interview with members who would not reveal their names…

MOB MEMBER #1: Hey Fanny!! I’m a big fan!!

Fanny: Thank you…may I ask you questions regarding the war that is going on at the moment?

MOB MEMBER #1: Sure…you know…but I have a JT concert to go to so I don’t have much time.

Fanny: Just one question…do you think that Jordan Knight will emerge to end the struggle against the mobs and return peace to his mafia?

MOB MEMBER #1: Honestly Fanny I don’t know…I’m tired of his “Cry Me a River” stories anyways…

Fanny: Well thank you for your time.

Fanny: MOB MEMBER #2 are you there?

MOB MEMBER #2: Hi my name is Stan!!!!! OMG!!! Am “I” on the air?!!!

Fanny: Um…nice to meet you Stan but you’re not supposed to give your name.

MOB MEMBER #2: Oh “oops”!!!! *sounds of struggle* *click*

Fanny: Hello? Stan are you there? *silence* We seemed to have lost our connection. Ahem…moving on…

In other news…the now infamous man-titty scandal has taken a new turn…fans are now asking themselves, “was that Jordan Knight”?

Mr. Knight’s absenteeism from the site has set the tabloids ablaze…OK so the rest of the world doesn’t care…but …he hasn’t been around lately and frankly we want to know!!!!!

Ahem…sorry for that outburst…

We are out of time tonight…join us next time as we enter the lair of the Freak Nation…find out what Sistah Joy has been doing to sway your vote on American Idol…

Thanks for tuning in JKLand…see you next time…I’m Fanny Disturbershyt…

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Welcome back to the JKLand News Hour...I'm Fanny Disturbershyt...

This just in...the JKLand mafia group known as Freak Nation has attempted to thwart authorities by changing their name to the NF's...unfortunately they are now wanted for thirty unsolved crimes in JKLand that were committed by the group Notso Fabulous...a former copy-cat group who tried to make the Implifier name their own...the Notso Fabulous mob has been MIA for months but authorites state that they may emerge once again to avenge the theft of their name...war is likely...

This has been a JKLand News Brief...thanks for joining...I'm Fanny Disturbershyt...